The Mess multiplies....contd

My superboss’ cabin is about 25 steps away. The minute I step out of my cubicle I wish that there should be a landslide exactly on the pathway of my desk to cabin or Pakistan realizes that my AVP is their long lost brother, they suddenly conquer AVP’s cabin area under its territory and puts a LoC exactly outside his cabin door. If not all this then atleast the fire alarm!! That’s the easiest and the most possible thing to happen. False hi sahi but atleast fire drill or something. But sadly when you want any of these things to happen only then God opens the account of your bad debts. L I think god opened the accounts of the time when I copied in exams and hence punishing me today for copying the wrong attachment. I entered the cabin and as expected my immediate reporting boss – 3G (as the whole team calls him for his loyalty towards our boss just like the dog has for his master in the 3G ad of mobile network) was already present in the cabin like a soldier on LoC waiting for orders from his colonel. To open fire at me.

Generally, when I am bored of his stupid accusations, plans, targets, I just give him a stern look. A look which says I-know-what-you-did-last-summer or even better i-knw-what-you-browse-in-office-hrs. and he would be dumbstruck. I just love doing that even if its my mistake. Poor guy could not do anything but end the meeting thinking I am a lost case. But today I really was a LOST CASE.

All my imaginations did not come true and I reach AVP’s cabin without any bruise on my arm. Atleast that should have happened, the copier could be very fatal if it would fall on me while I was walking pass it. My boss saw me coming from the glass wall and before I could say “can I come in” he already opened the door. ‘So Ms. Sanjana looks like FICI has ventured into new business segment’. I don’t know what you are talking about was written all over my face. But before I could open my mouth, my boss cut me. ‘Are we in the business of human trafficking and promoting guys. Are we taking bids for this guy who worked with us?'

Now that was really funny, I was amazed by his sense of humor. Even in such wrath state, he does not forget the rules of proving to be at AVP level. The only way to do so is to forget names of your team members. And Gaurav was past he could forget his designation also. This old man knew whose photo is that and that he worked under him but here he is proving to be AVP.

‘Am sorry sir, that was by mistake’ I know sending pdf instead of excel sheet is acceptable, sending wrong plans without approval, sending excel sheets without calculations, sending research ppt as your own without deleting original author’s name is still acceptable. But sending your love interest’s photo instead of product launch plan is so not acceptable.

‘I know that’s a mistake but why that mistake? Why are you checking out the ex-employee photographs. Is that what this co. pays you for?’

‘Actually Sir, the HR dept. wanted some of our conclave photos from our off-site trip. I was just browsing for the best one….

‘And you thought this is the best one?’

(Actually yes he looks quite smart in that white and blue checked shirt, this must be surely one of his best pic.)

‘No sir, my laptop hanged while I was attaching and all the draft mails crashed. Some technical problem sir.’ I don’t know what to say. Its not making an iota of sense but I need to keep talking something otherwise these two will start. I look around the room for some help, hoping the photo would come up alive and explain its existence. Still looking- there’s magazine, tea coaster, envelopes, post it tags, laptop, switchboard, LAN cable, files. LAN- ‘Sir the LANnn…Ah.. I …mm..mean the server….the server was down and….

‘Stop it!! Please go to your desk, restart your system and concentrate on your work. If you need any help take IT support guy’s assistance and fix your problem. Also I want a pending job list from you by EOD.’

He kept looking at me which meant I had to leave. ‘Yes sir. Sure sir. I’ll mail it to you by six’. I exit the cabin leaving my boss who by now has made a complete list of errors I did in these 3 yrs be it punching the documents on the wrong side or not wishing him ‘good morning’. Am impressed by his skills of making excel sheets mentally for all the unproductive work.   

I reach my desk and before I could start my sytem, phone rang.

Extn: 1426       Name : Priyanka mathur

‘Yes Piyu…?’

Dil mein mere, khwaab tere…tasveer jaise ho deewar pe…err…tasveer jaise ho mail per…main lut gaya, maan ke kehna tera…main kahi ka na raha…gulaabi aankhen jo teri dekhi…sings Piyu stressing on word tasveer each time she repeats the line

‘Shut up!!’ And we both started giggling. ‘Acha bata what did the budhao say? and I’ll tell you what others were speculating when you were inside. Lets go de-stressing today?’

‘Ya plz, I need a dark chocolate shake desperately.’ As I finish this sentence, I can see Mahesh Jain- sr. brand manager of the team is called up to budhao’s cabin.

“Shut up, you need dark rum today”.

‘Anyways your boss is in budhao’s cabin…next in line is you. I don’t understand why doesn’t he call all of you at once and finish it at one go.’

‘Maybe he needs to learn mass mailing techniques from you. Don’t worry I’ll tell him when my turn comes’

‘Ok whatever, right now I’ve to mail job-list to budhao and ofcourse the controversial product launch plan to everyone.’

‘Hey listen, this time send my pic. I also want to get famous, send my black dress wala pic. I look slim in it' 

'SHUT UP. BYE.'

I unlock my laptop and again Gaurav’s photo is there to haunt me. I quietly close all the windows and restart my system thinking…Gaurav you’ve given me enough pain when we were together atleast now stop creating problems.

I surely need a drink today.

 

The mess just multiplies....

I come back to my desk with my diary which is half filled by my stupid drawings/doodling and rest with plans and to do lists. The funny part is in my every to-do list, my first point is always fixed- pay attention in the meeting. But in the course of time I’ve realized that there is world of difference in the plans made on paper and the plans actually executed. So my not paying attention in the meeting is justified.

I take a seat in front of my first generation laptop and check my mail box. No new mails. My phone- No new message. My landline-No missed calls. I am dreading the day when God himself would come to me and say- No guy for you. Stop expecting.  But till that day comes let me combat my luck. I’ll continue call back on unknown number, I’ll continue wearing stilettos, I’ll continue staring at new joinees and I’ll continue believing in movies like DDLJ and Jab we met.

But right now I need to continue with my minutes of the meeting. I pour myself a glass of water and take a deep breath. My neighbor is about to fire questions about excel and flaunt the answers for the same but I tell him ‘I am in middle of something important’ and shoo him away. There must be some discussion in the meeting which I can recollect. Scrolling my mails up and down in the quest of answer after some attempts…… I found it. I found the clue!!! It was from my boss, the subject line read : Agenda for agency meeting. At times I love working in corporate. For a single task to be done there have to be exchange of atleast 10-12 mails. First 2 on introducing the task, taking opinions…next 2, 3 on taking approvals explaining it to other team members, next 2-3 on the PLAN, next 4-5 about the proceeding of the plan and lastly more 3-4 mails on how the task is done or it needs to be redone from the start…and the cycle continues. Its just like daily television soaps if you miss few episodes, it hardly matters. Things move here at a snails pace, you can catch up anytime. I open the mail and find about 13 points that needs to be discussed in the meeting. Of which 5 are actionable and rest are just to be reviewed if the first 5 gets executed. I remember, of these 5 only 3 are agreed upon and 2 are discarded in the meeting. I felt good that I used my brain in right manner and saved some of being exhausted in the meeting. I had to forward the pdf brochure of Gold ETF, our new product that needs to be launched in the market.

Thankfully it was saved on the desktop itself since further modification was done to it, thanx to continuous inflow of opinions and suggestion. It was renamed as Gold. I quickly wrote few discussion points and attached the file which was last open on my laptop before I went for the meeting. There are certain guidelines for sending mails in a corporate office. Before sending its always necessary to check the ids in to : list and the cc: list. It was wieldy for me as I had to just do a ‘reply all’ thing since last mail was sent by my boss. Given a chance, he would mail about his project to External Affair Minister and request him to get funding for it from neighboring countries. I was sure that I am not gonna miss any stakeholder in the mailing list, infact the mail would go to people who are even remotely bothered about the project. Won’t be surprised if the canteen department was also updated about it, after all they would be the one to provide tea and coffee for the next meeting.

Paramount part of the list was done. I minimized my mail box. The moment it went down and the previous file was open My eyes widened n stuck to the screen as if I had seen Ambani’s bank account. I was dumbstruck, could not digest what I saw. I want to bury myself in the drawer, this cannot be true. Gaurav’s photo was smiling at me from the screen. Last file opened on my laptop was not Gold it was Gaurav. I opened my mail box and checked the sent items. The damn server works fine only when we want it down. It felt like all the glass doors n walls are crashing over me. Please someone call for an ambulance. What was I thinking…what was I doing…where was I looking….God why am I existing.

Just when I was trying to come to terms of the calamity that has happened…Got a reply on the mail : whats this attachment??

 From : Krishnashetty@fici.com (AVP Mktg- my superboss)

 To: sanjana.patil@fici.com.

CC : jatinsen@fici.com (My boss). Thankfully the revert was not a reply to all. But my mortification was surely in front of all. My desk phone was ringing. Caller : Krishna Shetty…………


To be contd...